Sitting at my desk, I read the report for my latest mission. I am a lead investigator for the BSS, the Babylonian Secret Service. I was to investigate a certain building that was being built to very strange specifications in the Babybel district. It seemed that the tower had no purpose, save to be the tallest thing around, and that was a horrible reason, the BSS thought, to be wasting so much money. I was to discover if there was really some secret agenda behind the building. I was to go undercover as a project manager assistant for the Tower of Babybel. I got up and headed for my car. Maybeth, my co-worker was there to greet me on my way out.
“Off on another mission, Johnson?” she asked.
“Of course, thanks for bringing my car around” I replied, noting the blue sedan ox-cart parked at the front.
“Oh no problem,” she said, “just remember to call if you need help or something goes wrong!”
“Oh I will! See you!” I called back. Haha, never will happen I muttered to myself.
I arrived at the build site and introduced my self to the foreman there. He looked at my papers and muttered “Come with me”. The guy looked like he could hold up the whole building himself, he was so huge! He had a dinky little nametag on his front reading “Carl” that looked like a stamp stuck to a tree on him. He motioned me on to the end of the room with a bunch of doors.
Carl snarled over his shoulder, “Hey new guy, listen up. You report to me, you do only what I say, when I say to do it, and when I tell you to do something you do it right away, got it?”
I mumbled “Yes, sir” and continued on. Yeah I thought, if it came to a fight I could take him. It would be a struggle, but I could probably wrestle him to the ground. I’m more limber than I look! We stopped outside a door labeled “Print-Outs”. Carl entered the room, motioned for me to stay, then came out moments later.
“Take these.” He grunted, and handed me a 3 cm thick wad of papers. “These go to Cullen Hiatus in B-wing room 2,000,005. I expect you back here by 5 p.m.. It is 3 now. Go through that door. He’ll be expecting these documents so don’t be late. I’m watching you Johnson.” I tried to keep a straight face until he left to return to his office. I went through the door indicated and burst out laughing! How long did he think it would take to deliver a bunch of lousy papers? It was only then that I realized that the door I took led me smack dab in the middle of a room full of men in suits sitting around an elongated oak table. I chuckled sheepishly and edged out of the room, amid stares of disgust and silent amusement. I felt Carl’s booming laugh echo through the floor beneath my feet.
Back out in the sunlight I looked around for a map. Oh, B0wing was about a 10 minute walk from here. That wasn’t too bad. As I made my way along a narrow dusty road thronged with people in search of various destinations, I finally saw my first glimpse of the tower. I was a pretty magnificent sight I had to admit. It was far from finished however, and was still covered with scaffolding. Its sheer height was something else entirely though. I couldn’t even comprehend how tall that thing was. The tower looked like an enormous black crystal that just jutted randomly out of the ground, and grew several other spires as it made its way up, up to the heavens, finally ending in four huge spikes that extended out into space.
I composed myself and started walking again, aware that I had stopped and was staring at it, and also aware now of the fact that people were staring at me and mothers were urging their children to go around me at a safe distance. I learned from a passer-by that B-wing was actually inside the tower, on its west side. When I reached the base it was about 3:30. It had taken longer than I had expected. I entered the pink and purple marble lobby and went over to the elevator. The big sign labeled BROKEN, TAKE STAIRS WAS DAUNTING, erherm, I mean was daunting. However, I thought it could not be more than about 5 stories up. I asked the receptionist on which floor was located room 2,000,005. She looked at me, saw I was serious, and started laughing hysterically. I though she might be having a seizure. But when I looked behind her I saw a list of what rooms were on what floors, I felt a bit shaky too. Apparently I had to climb up to the 2,000,000 floor to deliver my package. Curse you Carl! There was no way I would make it in time. I went outside and deliberated on what to do.
I was looking up at the blue sky thinking, and noticed all the helicopters flying around. Conveniently, it was at that very moment that I just happened to remember that BSS had a covert helicopter operating in this very area. It could slip by unnoticed! I called it on my radio, and it arrived in less than a minute. On board I told the pilot to drop these papers off at room 2,000,005 when the manager wasn’t looking, tipped him, and he took off. There, now that that was out of the way, I could get onto more pressing matters, like my real mission. I had 1 hour and 29 minutes left, so I had to spend them wisely.
I went back to the place where I had stumbled onto the manager meeting. I thought that there might be some interesting information that might help me. Once I was outside I went around the outside edge of the tent. I looked for a slack in the stitching and poked in a small recording device. I listened closely as quite conveniently the men and women inside just happened at that moment to start talking about the real purpose for the Tower of Babybel.
“When will the tower be finished>” cried a woman.
“I told you, as soon as we reach heaven, or god, or either, it is irrelevant!” yelled back a man.
“But how will we know when that it? He could be a whole kilometer above the surface!” argued another voice.
“We must prove we are superior to him, let him show his face, then we will believe in him. This tower unites us! We will no longer be silent! Together we are weak! But alone we are strong!”
Everyone turned and looked at the person who spoke. There was an awkward silence as the gist of what the guy said finally dawned on him. He spluttered a few times, slapped himself on the cheek and sat down, his face in his hands, mumbling incoherently.
“Anyways, we need a new shipment of hard bricks and mortar if we are to finish within our allotted time. We are to-“, following this was a confusing series of ticks and whistles. I had no idea what he was saying, and apparently neither did anyone else! Everyone at the table stood up and asked for the phraseto be repeated. The speaker obviously had no idea what everyone was saying and asked quizzically, “Tick?”
This prompted another outburst. Tensions were already running high at the hot and dusty meeting, and the differing opinions just made it worse. Several people started speaking at once. No one could understand what anyone else was saying! Just then I realized that every individual person was speaking a different language! Fist fights had begun because no one could get their point across or explain what was happening. I backed up and turned left back into the crowded street, where handily no one had seen me lying on my stomach in a dusty and smell alleyway. This was getting way too weird for me. I turned on my radio and explained the situation to Maybeth. I told her that I would dig around some more and radio back when I investigated this strange language change.
“Jehovah wouldn’t like this one bit!”
I suddenly realized that I would be late getting back to Carl. I started to run down the road, when I figured out that I had no idea where I was going! I had come from the long hallway from inside which I couldn’t locate now. All the tents looked the same. I stopped a young man in his twenties and asked him which way to go. He looked at me curiously, and frowned.
“Hoiejwigrgeowiejf?” Needless to say I was… baffled! It seemed as if this weird language thing was spreading! I asked him another question, and still he answered my strangely. Again I asked him something, and then he started to get annoyed. The more I talked the angrier he got. You’d think I would’ve cottoned on after the first few minutes but, oh well. He got so angry with me that he tried to throw a punch at me. With my videogame honed reflexes I dodged him and he smashed the jaw of an 80 year old woman behind me. After many expressions of repentance from the guy, the old lady picked herself up, reached for her handbag, and gave him a whopping upper-cut to the jaw. He flew back and landed on top of another person. The centre of the road had turned into an arena! The old lady, I’m guessing, thought that now everybody was out to get her, and so swung her purse around like a medieval club, smashing noses and cracking skulls left and right. I was wise enough to get out of the brawl quickly. It seemed everyone wanted a piece of the fight!
Down the road I could see more evidence of the weird language bug. People were arguing and fighting; this language thing was really playing havoc with the way a normal building site should be running. I looked back and saw a huge section of scaffolding fall of the tower, and one of the spires start to crumble. I was walking on the edge of the road, trying to keep as much distane as I could from the many groups and angry workers. I was walking past the alleyway when a huge meaty hand reached out and grabbed my throat. Carl dgragged me inside the alleyway and shoved me up against the wall.
“Alfermachen Howlyotio,” he growled.
“Oh, Carl! Not you too!” He kept on speaking with suck feeling that for sake of a quick ending I could understand. He blamed me for the bug and wanted me to change it back to the way it was supposed to be. He also monitored all the helicopters and could tell that the one that visited floor 2,000,000 a few minutes ago was related to me and wasn’t on his list of scheduled flights. I could also conclude from his flaring nostrils, and dilated pupils, that he wanted to kill me.
“Astala Veesta, Baby!” he growled. Then his eyes rolled back into his skull , until only the whites were showing. Hes grip on me let up, and I jumped out of the way as he fell crashing to the ground.
Standing in his place I was the person I least expected to see, MAYBETH! She was holding a smoking tazer in one hand and a fibre-cord in the other.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, baffled but appreciatice.
“I couldn’t let you have all the fun now could I? Now hop on, we have to leave… Right now!”
Judging by her tone that she was serious, I attached my belt onto the cord and way above us a helpcopter pulled us up. I pulled myself up until I was sitting on a bench across from Maybeth inside the body of the beast. She explained that when she got my message she was worried and come to see it I would be ok. I told her she came just in time! I asked what would happen now with the tower.
“Oh that’s going to be shut down. There’s no way they’re going to be able to finish it with all the different forms of communications being used! NO, and now that we know the real reason why the tower is being built, BSS has concluded that the tower is nothing more than an embarrassment to our fair nation, another black speck on our maps.”
“Oh ok, that’s good. No one will remember this tower anyways, its not like its being written down and recored.” Maybeth chuckled her agreement.
“Oh by the way, how come I can understand you, but not anyone else?”
She waved her hand dismissively, “Convenient for plot explanation, we’ve gone over our allotted space slot already you know?”
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